Ah February, the month of love. While I know we tend to focus on the romantic type of love due to Valentines Day, this month I want to dedicate it to a special and more important type of love, Self-Love. It is said that one can not fully embrace love or give love without first loving oneself. Many of us would be quick to say that we love ourselves, however our actions don’t always reflect that. We can be our own worst critic, beating ourselves up for a small mishap, a bump in the road, a slip of the tongue. Have you ever listened to what you say to yourself when you made a mistake, didn’t follow through with a goal, or forgot something? Would you ever dream of saying these things to others? Most likely not! On top of criticizing ourselves, we also demonstrate the lack of Self-Love by overworking, overextending our efforts to the point of exhaustion, and giving more than we have energy for. In yoga, we strive for a balanced life, in body, mind, and spirit. While helping others helps us feel good, burning ourselves out puts our physical body at risk and can take its toll on our mental and emotional state as well.
Somewhere, somehow, whether through social media, our parents, our teachers or friends, we learned that love is to be found outside of ourselves, that love is something that needs to be earned, or that love comes with conditions that need to be met. It seems that we are steered in a direction away from self-acceptance and instead begin to grasp on to approval from others, reaching for recognition in order to validate who we are and feel any sense of love. Yet this is not self love. This is a learned pattern that sets us up for self judgement when we do something wrong and leaves us feeling disconnected from who we are. We start to believe that we are not worthy of love and so distract ourselves with work or other’s needs in order to fill our emptiness.
The truth is we are all worthy of love. There is nothing we need to do in order to “get” love. Honestly, just “being” is enough reason to love. Yet we worry and set unrealistic goals for ourselves in order to continue the battle in the mind and the loneliness in the heart. In order to start on the path of Self-Love, you must first believe you are worthy of love. And that worthiness of love starts with learning to accept and love yourself completely. The good and the bad, the shadows and the light, the successes and the failures. All of it makes up the unique and beautiful person you are. While this journey of self love can feel challenging, it is doable, and it is worth it.
Our biggest obstacle in achieving Self-Love comes from the mind. The mind has many parts and many aspects to it and tends to enjoy resting in a place of comfort, a place where we know what to expect and what to do. This causes a bit of a challenge when you want to make a change in your routine, your lifestyle, or your attitude, even if this change is one towards self love. Whenever you try to shift out of an old, ingrained pattern, belief, habit, or thought, the mind rebels and tells you all kinds of lies. Yes, believe it or not, the mind can convince you of anything. So, then the question is, how do we make change? How do we overcome the power of the mind and its constant berating so that we can begin to love ourselves more fully?
While there is no easy answer to this question, a good starting point is to remember that you have to BELIEVE you deserve love, even self-love, in order to embrace compassion towards yourself. Once you believe you deserve it, there are several things you can incorporate into your daily routine that can support your ongoing efforts toward self acceptance and love. Read through the list below and begin your journey to loving yourself more fully today!
- Begin your day with a compliment to yourself. Every day, when we get up, look in the mirror and tell yourself you love yourself. Greet yourself by saying your name and describe something wonderful about you. Do this even if it feels awkward or silly. This exercise works to replace the negative derogatory things we often say and begins the day with a compliment.
- Catch yourself when you start to compare yourself to others or have a degrading thought about who you are. Each time you catch yourself, stop and replace it with a positive and loving compliment.
- Every day ask yourself “What can I do to make you happy?” This is very important. Happiness must come from something within your control, without relying on someone else’s actions. Self-love and self-care begin and end within you.
- Surround yourself with people who inspire you and model loving actions towards themselves. It is very difficult to make changes towards yourself when the company you keep continues to perpetuate your own self-hate or diminishes you through their own negative emotions. Evaluate your friendships honestly and take steps to let go of the people that are stuck in the cycle of misery or suffering.
- Start a meditation practice so you can begin to develop an understanding of the way your mind works, the stories you tell yourself, the triggers that start the doubts, and the beliefs you have about you and the world. There are many ways to meditate and build this awareness. I have several silent or mantra meditation videos available to guide you or simply start to sit quietly and watch your thoughts. Let the thoughts pass through your mind as though they were clouds floating by in the sky. When you notice any grasping on to a thought, simply let it go and continue to watch. With practice, meditation becomes easier and you are able to see more clearly where the negative self-talk is initiated from.
- Do your yoga practice as often as possible. Practicing yoga gives you an opportunity to create a space on the mat where you slow down and listen deeply to the body. Your physical body carries the story of your life and therefore has so much wisdom to share with you about what feels best for you in any situation. The mind may be able to derail you with all kinds of stories, however, know that the body NEVER lies. By listening deeply to the messages within the body you can navigate towards more loving actions that align with your sense of truth. That is a very loving action. I have designed a special workshop style yoga class and a variety of yoga classes and meditations to support your work on cultivating Loving Kindness to Oneself. Find it here
- Do things that feed your spirit. This might be playing music, singing, dancing, painting, writing, watching a funny movie, or praying. Positive and joyful music can lighten the spirit and help it feel at ease. The same goes for inspiring and humorous movies. Laughter heals so many hurts. Find joy in life through the arts. Prayer is the single-most important aspect of caring for the spirit. A prayer of thankfulness leads to the grateful heart and mind. You may want to consider working with gratitude. My book Everyday Gratitude – The Doorway to Happiness walks you through steps to building a more loving, peaceful and grateful life. To accompany that, you may want to use my 11-week yoga program that offers yoga and meditation to support you in building a life of gratitude.
- Create healthy balance and space in your life for YOU! To feel self-love requires a balance of all parts of your life, family, work, play, and prayer. Begin to establish some healthy boundaries around work. While many people find satisfaction in their work lives, if it dominates your calendar it will eventually dominate your health and well-being. Learn to say no to commitments that do not align with what FEELS joyful. And lastly, free yourself from the need to be completely connected to your phone or social media accounts. These are big time suckers and often deplete your self confidence through subconsciously keeping you in comparing mode. Shut off the phone, log out of your computer, and pamper yourself with some well-deserved Self-Time.
Finding ways to nurture ourselves and bring life into balance is viewed as one of the most important and loving things we can do. When you love yourself you accept all of who you are, all your ups and downs, successes and failures, mishaps and intentions. This month I invite you to join me in a journey of Self-Love. Take time to join in on a Heart Opening Hatha class, a Meditation Night to chant and breathe deeply, lull yourself to sleep with a gong relaxation, or break through barriers that perpetuate those self-sabotaging thought patterns with a Kundalini Yoga class…after all, you are worth it!
Namaste Paula.
Bel article, je l'ai partagé avec mes amis.